SAMBO DASUKI: THE AUDACITY OF EMPTINESS BY PIUS ADESANMI

Sambo Dasuki

Deopka Ikhide R. Ikheloa is grumbling about the second faulty transaction of the crime-owning Nigerian state in South Africa. He does not know that his Nigerianhood owes the world a measure of gratitude for keeping alive the suspicion that Nigeria shares kinship with the rest of civilized humanity ( apologies to Achebe on Conrad). Every day, every second, our sovereign state and the lamentable characters in charge of her destiny present forensic evidence to make a formidable case against our continued membership of 21st century human civilization. Yet, the world persists in considering us kinsmen in spite of ourselves.
Take the case of this invisible apology who calls himself National Security Adviser in Abuja. I'd even forgotten that we had anybody in that office until his name surfaced in the gun running and cash laundering crime that the Nigerian state owned in South Africa to save Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor, President Goodluck Jonathan's Deputy Area Father and National Party Chairman of CAN, from ridicule and embarrassment. They doubled down on the crime and official irresponsibility. Not being foolish like Abuja, Pretoria seized a second dollar haul.
Sambo Dasuki's reaction? He covered his face in shame and apologized to Nigeria for bringing us to disrepute. He resigned and crawled back to his hole in Sokoto, ashamed to be seen or heard in the public sphere because his irresponsibility and incompetence have created the impression that the office of the National Security Adviser of the largest assembly of black people on the face of the earth does not know how to carry out above-board inter-state arms deals in the 21st century.
If you think this is what he does, I am the Prime Minister of Canada. Caught in a second act of unbelievable state irresponsibility at the international level in the space of one month, Ogbeni Dasuki rushes out spitting fire and oozing smoke from the centre of his head like D.O. Fagunwa's Anjoonu Iberu. Sometimes these funny guys forget themselves and go to the international stage to bark orders the way they bark orders at Nigerians back home. They think that their congenital big man's orders work outside of Nigeria.
Dasuki's argument? Ehn, walahi talahi, actually, only the first transaction was illegal fa. We really tried this second time. We even used a bank this time. It is just that the company at the other end in South Africa did not have registration at the time of our transaction. They could not renew their registration. They tried to return our money kowai! Where is the crime in that?
If the stupidity of Abuja didn't have a way of defining us collectively, one would have been able to have a hearty, throaty laugh in the face of these comical scenarios. After trying an outright illegal move by shipping $10 million dollars cash in Pastor Oritsejafor's jet to South Africa for shady transactions, our National Security Adviser is now saying that our second attempt is only partially illegal because the only problem this time is that we tried to do business with a company in South Africa whose registration had expired!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Mo gbe! Rere run! Our National Security Adviser is now saying that his office - and by extension the Nigerian state - does not know how to do due diligence in the purchase of arms in the 21st century? The Nigerian state wired money to a shadowy company in South Africa without even knowing if its registration was in order or not? And Ogbeni Dasuki is beating his chest and threatening the South African state for not being the international court jester that the Nigerian state is? And something this serious, which goes to the international image of Nigeria, is of course left to a statement by an aide of Sambo Dasuki. God forbid that His Excellency should hasten to call press conferences and make frantic appearances to apologize to the Nigerian people.
Again, Deopka Ikhide should be thankful for the fact that the rest of the world still somehow suspects that we share civilized kinship with them. Anybody looking at us via Abuja would be forgiven if they denied our relationship. Everywhere I go in Canada, America, Europe, I claim this Nigerianhood and sigh deeply, wondering what my interlocutors are thinking. Are they placing a question mark on my humanity? That fear, that suspicion that the non-Nigerian other is looking at me one kain, always gnaws at my heart because of the unending imbecilities of those defining me and my statehood for the rest of the world in Abuja. Shior!